Straying from societal expectations: How I improved my relationship with work (Part 2)

Being okay with not "leveling up" anymore and making small and big changes to enjoy work more

Part 1 of improving my relationship with work involved a critical mindset shift, redefining what “success” meant to me and recognizing that my worth was much more than my job. And recognizing that it was okay that I personally did NOT want to “level up” anymore at work (at least in the present). However, I still need to work to generate income, so I got clear about what I personally wanted from work, rather than letting society dictate it for me. My goal for work was to, “have a job that can comfortably provide for my family (financially), where I enjoyed those around me, and felt like my work was helping others or was meaningful to me.”

In today’s post, I’ll dive into the actions I took to tangibly change my relationship with work and make strides toward my work goal, which have changed my life for the better. What my actions taught me is that (1) it’s possible to work smarter, not harder and (2) both small and big changes can meaningfully change your relationship with work. The changes that I describe didn’t happen overnight; it’s been a journey of experimentation and change over the past 1.5-2 years. And it’s all been worth it to make my life more balanced and fulfilled overall.

Hard work = good employee = recognition? Or is it possible to “work smarter, not harder” to get good results and recognition?

Many people think that being a “good employee” means that you need to put your all into work. And that hard work, loyalty, and the amount of hours that you put into work make you a good worker, deserving of recognition and promotions.

But I’ve had years of experience as a people manager, and I know that’s not exactly true. I’ve sat through numerous performance calibration meetings where we analyze people’s performances. At the end of the day, it’s people’s results and impact (what actually changed as a result of your work?) that really matter. Countless times, I’ve empathetically seen colleagues, friends, and people on my team do a large quantity of work (which they likely perceived as “hard work = good employee = deserved recognition”) but not get credit for it. Most of these people do valuable work, no doubt. But the really outstanding impact often gets lost when managers and teams don’t value the other work you’re providing.

So my philosophy for myself and my teams has always been to work smarter, not harder. Working 40 hours is a general rule of thumb. Especially when you’re a salaried employee, some weeks it might be less and some might be more. But the important thing to focus on is the impact you’re bringing to the table, regardless of your hours put in.

With this frame of mind, when I returned from mental health leave, I was committed to changing my relationship with work by experimenting with the level of effort and time I put into work to achieve my goals. There was no way I could deal with working around the clock and having my anxieties bleed into my personal life any longer.

Attempt 1 at changing my relationship with work (with smaller changes): lowering my anxiety levels in my current job with mindset changes and improved boundaries

Returning to work after my 3 month mental health leave, I went back to the same job and frantic team, but my mindset was different. With my work goal being to “have a job that can comfortably provide for my family, where I enjoyed those around me, and (ideally) felt like my work was helping others or was meaningful to me”, I had the clarity that I wasn’t trying to be promoted, and my success wasn’t dependent on that (more in my last post). Knowing that I didn’t love my job, my primary goal was to NOT get fired and continue making money, which meant I needed to get decent (enough) performance ratings. 

To maintain decent performance ratings, I wanted to experiment with the amount of time (and mental capacity) I spent delivering on that goal. Before, I was working my ass off until my next vacation or break, for fear that I’d fall behind at work and eventually get fired. But I remember my therapist asking me valid questions: if you’re mainly trying not to get fired, could you test putting in less work so that you’re not as stressed on a day-to-day basis? Can you carve out time for yourself during the week so that you’re not just waiting for your next break or vacation? She brought up a good point that USUALLY (not always, especially given this economic climate) you’d get a warning and a chance to address any critical feedback before you were fired. So I took a risk in testing out what I could get away with at work to achieve more balance.

This post here shares my full experimentation in putting in less time and mental effort; it details the outcomes over 3 work performance cycles (where my effort levels varied). Guess what the ultimate outcome was? My performance outcomes, when I put in less hours and mental energy at work, were the same as when I was burning out and putting in an exponential amount of time at work. In putting in less time, I made sure to stay laser-focused on the impact and results I wanted to drive. I developed and aligned on clear OKRs (objectives and key results) with my manager and team, and in my time working, I made sure I was always doing things in service of those goals. 

In putting in less hours at work, my quality of life drastically improved, even with the same work circumstances. I reduced the amount of time and mental energy I was putting into work (by trying to work smarter), was clear about my boundaries, and allocated my extra time to spending more time on myself and with my family and friends. I’d do biweekly lunches with my parents, carve out time during the work day to work out, continued investing in therapy and self-growth, and spent more time being present as a mother. My manager, responsibilities, and team were all the same. But my mindset and where I was distributing my energy throughout the day was forever changed. Due to the increased time I spent on things that fueled me, it actually made me more productive in the time I spent working.

Honestly, life was pretty damn good. Everything I was doing made me feel more fulfilled and balanced in life overall. But my job itself still felt draining and unfulfilling on a weekly basis. While I was working, I spent a lot of brain power solving problems (which I enjoy doing) for topics that I lacked passion for (which drained me). Our team’s progress was also moving at a snail’s pace (bogged down by a lot of internal politics), which prevented me from regularly helping others and having real-world impact, which is really important to me. So I really wanted to change my situation. 

I started wondering if there could be other ways to make money to support my family, while enjoying my job more and taking less of a toll on my mental health. Was it worth being somewhat unfilled just to continue making the same amount of money? Did I have to settle with my situation? Or would I be happier at a job I enjoyed more that maybe paid less but enough to still provide a good life for my family? 

If you are feeling afraid to walk away from a decently paying job even if you’re unhappy, I highly recommend taking a look at your actual expenses to determine how much you need to make to “provide for your family”. I understand that everyone’s financial situation is different, but without properly scrutinizing what you really need, too often we think we’re trapped in our current jobs. 

Once I figured out my critical expenses, I discovered that I had some wiggle room to make less money and still provide for my family. I might need to cut back on some expenses, but it could be worth it if I could achieve better peace of mind.

Attempt 2 at further changing my relationship with work (with bigger changes): Exploring different career paths

I had been in product marketing (PMM) almost my entire career. But did I need to stay on the path of PMM? Or could I deviate and tailor my expertise to other fields? I’ve worked in marketing for the past 15 years, but I have at least another 15-20+ years further in my career. Hearing that felt a bit grim (lol) but also gave me the perspective that there is plenty of time to try something new (or even a few new things!).

My main goal was to have a job that can comfortably provide for my family, where I enjoyed those around me, and felt like my work was helping others or was meaningful to me. I was willing to sacrifice some compensation for a job that got me closer to my goal. Being a manager (though I had the experience) was important to me at a point in my life, but it also wasn’t a necessity at this point in time. So here’s what I did to explore new opportunities:

1. Cast a wide net, gathered information about a variety of jobs, and led with curiosity: Since I did not feel the need to stay in marketing nor did I feel the need to be a people manager, I looked at all types of roles that I thought could map to my strengths, experience or things that energized me. Everything from admin/executive assistant positions, customer service and education roles, (product) marketing (for areas I was more interested in like fashion, education, children’s development), project/program management, research, and HR jobs (starting with jobs where my marketing background was transferable). I’d ask friends in the space for time to tell me about their roles so I could learn more, boldly reached out to hiring managers for informational chats, and applied to a bunch of jobs, whether or not I felt like I had the experience (knowing the worst that could happen was that they’d say no). 

2. Interview for a variety of roles, and be mindful of how I felt: I interviewed for 10+ roles that spanned PMM, HR employer branding, research, market strategy, and merchandising/program management. I applied externally to many companies, but luckily I was able to get my foot in the door on a lot of internal roles at my current company too. During the process, one thing I really paid attention to was how I was feeling in prepping for conversations and even during my conversations. In the beginning, I wouldn’t have known what to look for. But in having lots of conversations and being really honest about my feelings in each one, I started noticing differences in my energy levels towards different roles, which were strong indicators of how excited I was about different opportunities.

3. Taking a chance on something new: After 9 months of job searching, I was offered a job in Merchandising/Program Management, one of the roles I was most excited about. It involved a space that was relatively new to me, third party retail, but the core job responsibilities involved a lot of fundamental marketing and project management skills, which I excelled at. The hiring manager also seemed like a fierce advocate for work-life balance, which was so attractive to me. However, the offer involved a slight pay cut. So I had a decision to make: pursue the new merchandising role with a slightly lower salary and a team with similar work-life balance values as me? Or stick with my PMM role, making the same amount of money but feeling dissatisfied? I already knew what to expect with PMM, so I took a chance on the Merchandising role, hoping that the unknown might yield better results. I also reminded myself that I could go back to PMM if I really wanted to. It might take time. The pay might not be the same. But I had 10-15 years of experience that someone would surely value if this new path didn’t work out.

The payoff of taking a risk on a different path

It’s been a year since I started my Merchandising role, and it’s been exactly what I needed. I’m so glad I took a chance on something new. The work itself is not a dream job by any means, but it achieves my goal of “having a job that can comfortably provide for my family, where I enjoy those around me and feel like my work is helping others”. It’s much less strategic than my last job (when I was hired, the main concern from my hiring manager was, “will you get bored of this job?” lol), but I know what role it plays in my life and no, I’m not bored yet. I have a supportive team. The job overall feels simpler to me because I am able to leverage a lot of my strengths and past experiences to deliver impact for the team, without doing the draining work I did as a PMM. Most importantly, I’ve been able to achieve so much more balance in my life and allocate more time to other priorities in my life.

When I’m taking an extended lunch out with my parents on a workday, my mom often asks me, “So what will happen if everyone around you starts to rise and you don’t?” My answer is something like, “Good for them. They’ll have more work (jokingly… but usually the case) and make more money. And I’ll still be happy where I am, having the time to spend with you, the rest of my family and my priorities.” And to me, that is success. 

Conclusion

It can be so easy to let societal expectations dictate your career; honestly, it took me a while to even separate what societal expectations were from my own desires. But if you feel something off in your work situation, start to question it. Lead with what you need and what makes you happy. Be bold in taking some (calculated - if you’re like me) risk. You might change your life for the better, like I did. Worst-case scenario, you’ll learn something new and figure out if you want to go back to what you did before or explore another path on the way to more job fulfillment. 

My examples are just 2 paths (one path involving smaller changes, another with larger changes) you can take, and both made me happy. In the coming year(s), I feel like I’ll likely have many other attempts to further improve my relationship with work. Each person’s career journey is so different, so your path may look very different from mine. When it comes to work, just know that it’s possible to work smarter, not harder. You always have a choice in what you do, and there are varying levels of effort you can put into making changes for yourself. No matter if you start small or big, they’re all great steps forward to improve your situation or help you determine what to do next.